Before my cancer treatments started at age 51, I saw trials as setbacks, like when you’re in a race and stumble. You need to quickly recover, hurry and get back up, brush yourself off and get on with the race. Motivational speakers often use this language and it inspired me. I would look at trials as obstacles to my ultimate righteous goal of an accomplished, fulfilled life, coordinated corner to corner, with just enough highlights keeping it balanced and beautiful. The sooner I got there the better.
I had an active, healthy lifestyle, so was very surprised to find out I had lymphoma, a blood cancer. My doctor felt I would most likely need to have a very aggressive chemo regiment given through my head. Those thoughts scared me. My husband and I were still raising our four children and I wanted to stick around earth much longer and keep all my faculties with me too. We prayed. I remember my perspective on my material possessions changed immediately. I no longer looked at all the defects in my house, wanting a more beautiful one. I loved the memories I had in the one I was in and it was beautiful to me. I remember even saying it out loud as I came down the stairs that afternoon, “I love this house.” I was able to quickly receive more input from experts and ended up needing a very aggressive chemo treatment and stem cell transplant, but luckily not through my head where the risk is much, much greater. Needless to say, my life routine was changed. I became very familiar with hospital protocol, and adverse effects from toxicity, and a variety of life changes that go along with fighting cancer. During this three-year process, my scripture reading and personal prayers were more important to me. Priesthood blessings and fasting brought peace. I drew closer to my Savior and my love grew for Him. I had so many gifts of love and light that kept me in a happy state, even through the physical and mental hardships that go along with this treatment. I felt the Lord giving me experiences that I needed to help me become more than I was. I felt the evolution of me, giving up the “race mentality” and instead using the Atonement for my strength. I started to understand trusting in Him, my Savior. The obstacles were and are being put there for a wise purpose, specifically selected for me. President Uchtdorf taught us that our mortal life is not a race, but rather a journey. It will have bumps, detours and some hazards, but “look for the happiness your Father in Heaven has prepared for you in every step of your journey.” (April 2013 “Your Wonderful Journey Home”) With my change in perspective, I have let go of the desire to overcome obstacles so I can get to the finish line of a beautiful, balanced life. Instead, I try to accept the experiences God gives me as gifts, customized for my specific growth. They are not in my way but are the way. God’s ways are not our ways. In the scriptures we have been warned about putting our trust in the arm of flesh. Isaiah 55: 8-9 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” I am given opportunities for spiritual gifts and growth, bringing me more complete joy as I put my trust in Him. Even daily boring experiences are handpicked for our growth. It is only through the Atonement of Jesus Christ that our progression can occur for us to become at one with Him. Our joy is increased as we progress through the experiences we are given. This big physical trial I have experienced is much easier for me to share than the other intimate challenges life brings. However, being able to apply the principles of love and growth from the Atonement are the same. We are not alone, and we have a map for our path back to heaven. It is a journey rather than a race. Isaiah 41:10 “Fear thou not; for I am with thee…” - Shannon |
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