Scenes flash back through my mind like snapshots. Being in love with the most charming returned missionary in my BYU ward. A beautiful wedding in the Manti temple. A new condo, a new car and fancy clothes.
"In the quiet heart is hidden Sorrow that the eye can't see." (LDS Hymns, 220) More snapshots. A husband unable to get out of bed. Bipolar... what is that? Bill collectors calling. Pornography. Fights over religion. Crying for hours in the Celestial Room of the temple. Separations. Reunifications. A phone call from a man telling me that my husband has been having an affair with his wife. Then again. And again. But this time I was pregnant. Feeling afraid for my life. Him backing me into a closet while trying to take away my baby. The Spirit saying "Go now!" Escaping to the airport with my baby, a police escort, and a small bag. Divorce court. Feeling like I had been buried alive, 6 feet under the ground. "Where, when my aching grows, Where, when I languish, Where, in my need to know, where can I run? Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish? Who, who can understand? He, only One." (LDS Hymns, 129) Those were very cold and dark days. Seven years of them. But just as nature's winter is symbolic of the death of Christ, spring is symbolic of resurrection, rebirth, renewal, and restoration. And through Christ my spring came. The scriptures often refer to Jesus Christ as the great deliverer. And He had delivered me from a very destructive and painful marriage. But perhaps I was even more in need of deliverance from the scars of emotional abuse, inability to trust, low self esteem, and a broken heart. Elder Richard G. Scott said, "Complete healing will come through your faith in Jesus Christ and His power and capacity, through His Atonement, to heal the scars of that which is unjust and undeserved." It didn't happen over night. It was a slow and steady process over the next few years. But I testify that through Jesus Christ the healing and strength did come! The pain is gone. The scars only remain as a witness of the Great Physician's ability to heal. Again, only snapshots remain in my memory. Loving and supportive family. Joy of mothering a charming and beautiful little daughter. New fulfilling job. Gaining strength. Finishing my degree at BYU. Frequent temple worship. A loving Relief Society president. Prayer, prayer, and more prayer. Forgiveness. Serving in Young Women. Dating again. Falling in love. Learning to trust. Deeper faith in and love for my Savior. A beautiful marriage. More wonderful children. And opportunities to help others going through what I had once suffered. Just as the Savior. Jesus Christ knew exactly how to help me heal because in His suffering He had felt all my pains. He had descended below all so he could lift me up. And for that I will be eternally grateful! "I think of his hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt! Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget? No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat, Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet. Oh, it is wonderful to me!" (LDS Hymns, 193) |
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