I sat with the clip board in my hand, looking at all the empty lines. "If you are able, could you please sign up to bring something to the ward party?" announced a sister in Relief Society. What did "able" mean? Did we have the monetary means? Yes. Did I have the time? Yes again. Were we going to the ward party and going to eat the food? Yes, and yes. Why couldn't I get my hand to sign my name on that clip board? I passed it on to the sister next to me. I did not sign up, and that bothered me.
It had been a rough year, "The Trial Year" we called it in our house. My husband's job had taken a tough turn, and he had been working 18-hour days some weeks and 12-hour days other weeks. He received a time-consuming calling at Church that took him away the rest of the time. I had a sudden life-threatening health crisis that resulted in emergency surgery. We lost two babies that year, one in the first trimester and one in the second trimester. So I spent several months first being sick, and then grieving my lost babies. We were living in a small rental while we worked with builders to build a home that would fit our family. We had to move our family twice in that year. Between medical bills and building a home..oh yeah, and both cars broke down and we spent several thousand dollars to fix them, we were financially exhausted. But now...sitting in Relief Society...it was all behind us. Not just seeing a light at the end of a tunnel, we were through the tunnel, sitting on the other side. We could see the blessings through it all, and we were so grateful. We were happy my husband had a job, happy to be able to serve, happy for competent medical professionals, happy for the healthy children we had, happy for a safe home, happy for cars, and happy that our scripture study and prayers, both personal and family, were still happening. WHY CAN'T I SIGN THE CLIP BOARD?!?!?!?! I told my husband I didn't sign us up to bring a casserole. "Okay." he said. "BUT WHY?" I said. I expressed how bothered I was that I was capable and willing and I hesitated. What was stopping me? I felt like I had a trial hangover. I no longer had huge overwhelming trials, but I was still in a foggy daze. I asked him, "In the scriptures the Lord says he will make weak things strong. Why am I not strong?" This clipboard-casserole thing was starting to keep me up at night. I got to the point that I told the Lord in a prayer that I didn't care if I signed up or not, I would just bring a stupid casserole! But again, something in me made me stop. Then the teaching came. "Let ME feed you," He said. "Let ME heal you," He said. The trials were momentarily over, but the healing was just starting. When I told my husband about the quiet whispering that I had felt, he nodded his head and said, "That makes sense. When we workout, that is not the time the muscles become strong, it is only during the rest and recovery that the muscles gain strength, and then you are able to use those improved muscles." I realized I needed to rest and recover. But unlike cells working behind the scenes to rebuild stronger protein compounds, something else was going on behind the scenes. The Savior was working to heal me, humble me and "then will I make weak things become strong unto them." (Ether 12:27) I needed to let Him. We slowed down, took all unnecessary commitments out of our lives. This became a time to ponder and marvel at what He was building. We went to the party and ate the food that others had prepared, food that others had sacrificed time and money to provide. That meal meant more to me because it symbolized my letting Him heal me and feed me. It was a meal I would never forget. - Anonymous |
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