When was a child, I could not wait to become a mom. I loved babysitting, and my friends and sisters would call me a "baby hog". I had it all planned out. I would get married and we would have four kids; two boys and two girls. However, when I was 16 I had a few tests done because my body was not growing at the rate it should have been. The doctor told me that my ovaries were very small and I could never get pregnant on my own. I didn't see it as a big deal. I mean, I was 16 and family planning was not my priority at that moment.
I was 24 when I got married and that is when it hit me! I will never be a mom! Of course I cried hysterically and was so angry. My dream of being a mom and having that “picket fence” family would never happen. I prayed so hard for peace and understanding. I mean, aren't we supposed to replenish the earth?! Have eternal families of our own?! I prayed and went to the temple often and alone. I kept having these overwhelming feelings we needed to adopt. However, my husband felt IVF was the way to go. We tried one unsuccessful IVF cycle. I knew in my heart we would not get a positive pregnancy test back. This was not the way we were to have our family. One day after a temple session, I found myself contacting LDS Family Services. It was then that I started to feel peace again. It was November of 2000 when we finally completed all of the necessary paperwork, and the required home study. It was now in the Lord's hands, and only he knew when the time was right. In February 2001, I kept feeling the Spirit so strongly that it would move me to tears. Of course I figured it was probably just my hormones causing me to be emotional. However, in April 2001, I was overcome by so much emotion that I had to leave work. As I walked to my car, I felt the Spirit so strongly again. I had this overwhelming feeling that LDS Family Services had called. I walked into the house and I immediately looked at the caller ID. Sure enough, LDS Family Service had called! They told us we were chosen back in February, but the birth mom wanted to wait to make if official a few weeks before the baby was born. This explained those feelings I had in February. Our son was born a few weeks later in May 2001. His birth mom wanted closure and no contact after a few months. We respected that, and are forever grateful for her selfless sacrifice that allowed me to fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming a mother. A year and a half after our son was born, I again had feelings that we needed to apply for adoption again and grow our family. Six months after completing all the necessary paperwork, we got a phone call notifying us that we were selected! This time the birth mom wanted to meet us before the baby was born. I was so nervous! Every crazy thought was going through my mind. "What if she doesn't like me?" or “what if she decides to pick someone else?” As we all met in the conference room at LDS Family Services, it was like my own family sitting there across the table. The birth mom felt like my own sister, and not a stranger. The presence of Holy Ghost was undeniable; I knew he was in that room. I knew the Holy Ghost guided us to each other. Our daughter was born a few weeks later. We were able to go into the hospital room and meet her, and be with the birth mom and her family. We all laughed, talked and allowed our son to play with his new sister. On the day of placement, I hugged the birth mom and wiped away her tears. I reassured her "this isn't goodbye, but that this is the beginning. We both gained a new family. You gained us, and we gained you.” I promised both my son and daughter’s birthparents that I would love their child and give them the blessings of the gospel. I promised to help them grow in every aspect of their lives, and to be the very best example I could be. I am so grateful that the Spirit guided me towards adoption. I am grateful for my children's birthparents selfless and hard sacrifices they made so I could be a mother. I have no doubt that Heavenly Father had his hand in both of my children’s adoptions. Throughout this life we are given various earthly challenges which at times can be difficult to bear. I testify that the only way we can overcome all things is through reliance on the Savior. No one knows fully the weight of what our Savior bore. However, the words of our sacrament hymn remind us of that gift: We may not know, we cannot tell, What pains he had to bear, But we believe it was for us, He hung and suffered there. Regardless of the heartache or the struggle, the Lord awaits the chance to bless our lives, if we are faithful. Sometimes, as was in my case, those blessings come through others. I was blessed by two sets of birth parents that trusted me to raise two of Heavenly Father’s choice children. For that blessing of becoming a Mother, I am grateful now and eternally. - Tammy |
archives
All
|